July 23, 2017 § Leave a comment
“Don’t catch feelings,” would be a time-tested advice that people would eventually know to follow at the onset. You meet someone new, discover things in common with them and then boom, Walls Up, nothing else follows. In the future, friendship would be obscure, even that, yes. The only relationships left would be almost-kindred-spirits dancing around the subject of “Why can’t we be more than this?” Human beings physically restraining themselves to hug one another because The Hug is the number one deterrent to “Don’t Catch Feelings Rule.” Touch will be obsolete. It might be for the best.
“Or not?” Says a small voice in everyone’s head. There will always be the little rebel in everyone. They will remember from yesterday that The Hug is a good thing. Touch is good. Finding something in common with people is good. They will know this memory from somewhere even if they haven’t experienced it themselves. The urge will always be there. You know how they say that print will die because the Internet will take over? And then years from now print will resurface and it will be the best thing? The Hug and Touch will be like that, see.
But in the meantime, human beings will have to make do with robots and automated replies. “Make do” is the wrong phrase because they would think of it as the norm so, truth is, they will not know better until they are presented with an alternate truth. You can say “I love you” out loud, you can express anger by throwing things, you can shout if you’re in pain. Not every emotion can be said with an emoticon, no, no. Once human beings know this, they will start letting go of their phones. They will look at them with disdain, throw them.
People will begin to look each other in the eyes again. Laugh together. Hold hands. Somebody will be watching his girlfriend spill into his room through a door that has never been opened and he will feel something for the first time. This girl will walk towards this boy, and she will have a hundred questions on her face and it will be the prettiest the boy has ever seen her. Emotion! Depth! Confusion! Before this day, she was blank. Answering in code over text messaging. Right now she’s in front of him and she’s singing. It’s instantly his favorite sound.
There will be a cacophony of “What is happening and why does it feel so new and yet so familiar?” Someone, somewhere, will be assaulted by a distant memory of a person asking for help, him promising that he will try, and forgetting about that promise altogether. Where is this person that needed help now and was she able to get what she needed then? What is this memory for, the man will furrow his brows and hold his head because it will start to hurt. Memories will come like an avalanche, and he will hold on for dear life.
It will be months, even years, of relearning. They will come to know how long they’ve been prisoners of disconnect. How bad they had it, but also how good they’re having it now…now that they have each other to count on to make sense of this new world where they can touch and love and laugh together. They will miss laughing even if they have never done it, they will miss it every single day that it will be the first thing they do when they wake. Every morning across the world is the sound of genuine, sleepy laughter.
November 17, 2016 § Leave a comment
(To be read in conjunction with September 2016: Letters to a lover who I will leave soon)
John: I know you’ll be fine without me. Thing is, I can never be fine without you. It’s difficult. It’s somehow…I need you more than you need me. And I’m not saying this to point out a flaw or an excess. It is what it is. I have made up my mind about going away by month-end. I wanted to leave a proper goodbye because I know you’d want one. You’d be asking questions and if I I’m still here I’d just be dodging them. Allow me this last act of cowardice. I don’t have answers yet.
Gemma: I shouldn’t compare, no. But here, indulge me. Lenny thinks I’m fond of him, and I am. He is fond of me as well, I know this for sure. I asked him yesterday about his feelings for me, the way you ask a child if he likes a toy, and he lit up. I’m telling you, it was beautiful the way he answered with his eyes. I can’t bear to leave this sweet boy. Is that it? You were so brave in leaving me like that, because you felt my affection was not enough to make you stay?
November 2016 (unfinished): Letters to someone I left ages ago
John: Once you take a new lover, you are assaulted by newness. The smells are what take you by surprise most of all. I’ve attempted too many times to forget your morning scent. Or the way you smell on a rainy day. What lingers in the car after you’ve hurried out after a fight. See, this girl I’ve been with for half a year, her dinner scent still jars me. Annoys me? You do have a dinner scent. If I can describe it, I would’ve recreated it a long time ago so I wouldn’t have to pine for you like this.
October 3, 2016 § Leave a comment
You’d be fine without me, yes? I feel like we’re in a movie and it’s about to end. Realizations are being made but also new discoveries are surfacing. I’m racing against time trying to get to know this new you. I’m falling in love all over again. I don’t want to leave. But I have to. End scene. Fade to black.